Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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