youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
