I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
