You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
