i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Four minutes until I can fart!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think even the taco bell employees judged me