wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.