I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
