if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
