please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
