You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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