It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
