i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
