I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i believe in u and ur pee
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
