my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
