Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
