Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
