I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
