so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
