so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
