Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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