That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
