i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
