I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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