ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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