You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
