You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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