I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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