All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
