It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
