the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
