New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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