and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
