He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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