You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
