and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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