he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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