Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
