I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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