We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His nipple licking is glorious
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