Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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