going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
