he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My ATM looks so different sober.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
