I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
