this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
