Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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