My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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