I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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