What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
