It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
