Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
