I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
