I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
