she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
