i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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