I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
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i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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