New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
