Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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