I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
