Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
