mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
