And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
