fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
