So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
