does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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