I'm eating all of the evidence.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
