No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
